some part of me is falling

Seeing old friends still there, but keep me out of their region. It really hurts.
Maybe things just need to be renew from time to time, and I'm no longer in that part.
It's like a revenge. They just do what I used to do them. I deserve it. That's it.
Time flies and I feel like I do not belong anywhere.
I almost cut off the only line from blood, yelling inside and then fooling around.
I cut off the line that lead to the outside world. I block myself.
damn. how can I want to be alone but at the same time being accompanied?
such a contradiction only appears in fairy tale.

I, myself, is a contradiction.
I cry. I yell. I scream. And then I laugh.
Cause everything I'm now going through is from my own hand.
But at the same time I'm longing for someone's pity and sympathy.

To make it shorter, I cage myself and then looking for someone to soothe my uneasy nerve and hold me tight in the arm.

Such an idiot thought.

I just want you to hold me tight and look at me in your eye.