Journal

It was a quarter before midnight. I was sitting in front of the desk. The shabby chair kept making weird squeaking sound everytime I moved my butt. There was no curtain in front of the window but some scraps of newspaper sticked on the glass. Not far from me, there was a bed with no cushion.

The desklamp sat on the left corner of the desk, spearding its yellow, dim light.There were two eyeballs in the tube, right next to the thick diary. The eyeballs were crystal blue floating in the water. Each sheet of the brown-covered diary was filled with different handwritings and the narrators of each piece of diary were all different. Strange. So all these pieces of diary were written by different people?

Suddenly I felt very hungry. However, there were nothing to eat besides the two beautiful eyeballs on the desk. Hence I swallowed the two.

And then something went wrong.

A flow of warmth went through my body, started from my throat to shoulder to belly, legs and toes and fingers. I felt my eyes were as if on fire: itchy, hot and hurt. And then what I saw was not the used diary anymore but an endless meadow. Beyond the blue sky and the sunray, I was tied on the tree. A bunch of goblins surrounded me, waving their axes with bad intension. I tried to scared them away by yelling fiercely at them, but in vain. In the end, I was torn into pieces and eaten by those goblins. And then I woke up

Again, this is the dream I had the other day. To tell the truth, it was actually a nightmare. But I think the shabby furnitures somehow reflect my situation recently: I am so tired of everything that I don't want to do assignment, participate in group work, and join others' talk. I feel like being alone is much better than communicate with others.

And I think the reason that the used diary with many handwritings appear in the dream is that I think I have so many seperated identities when I face different people. I'm supposed to be a good daughter and good sister when I'm infront of my family. I'm supposed to be a good student infront of teachers. I'm supposed to be nice and cool infront of my friends. However, these are all not true. They can be part of me, but not the true me. I feel that I'm living for those expectations enforced on me and it is very uncomfortable.

I believe that soon the bad mood will leave me and I can start working energeticly again. There are still many things in the world waiting for me to discover. Please don't worried about me. I just want to share my dream and some of my thoughts. I'll be better soon.